Well....My mom just left to go back home :(. The girls are still crying and I am sad to see her go. She has been such a blessing to me while she was here! Before my surgery she took me and bought me some baggy clothes and pjs (since my clothes will not fit over the brace)-while I was in the hospital she was an incredible help to me, I could not have survived without her there! She was the one holding the "puke bucket" and she had many other duties that are better left unsaid! Since I have been home she has taken care of my kids and my house-she bought us a ton of groceries and necessities . I am going to miss her so much! I have enjoyed being able to spend time with her and just sit and talk to her. She made me a quilt to bring to the hospital (I love it! when I am better I will take pics)-when she just left, she told me and the girls that she prayed over us while she was making each of our quilts and she prayed that when we wrapped ourselves up in our blankets that God would wrap us in His love. I will cherish my new "baa boo" (what Bubba calls his "blankie") forever!
I feel very blessed to be able to call her my Mother!

The last few days have been basically the same, as far as my recovery goes. I am getting around better-but I still rely on my walker. The level of pain is still the same-it is really not that bad. I am most frustrated by not being able to do simple tasks-like get myself a bottle of water, or shower without a team of people getting it set up (I still feel badly about asking for and accepting help-but I know that it is something that I am going to have to keep doing over the next couple of months). I have a 3 in 1 chair that I use over the toilet (so I do not have to bend down to sit) and Brett has to put it in the tub so I can sit for my shower. I have to wear my brace as long as I am not lying flat-which includes the shower. I even sleep in it since I always have to wake up to go to the bathroom and it takes a lot of effort and energy to put it on-Brett has to put it on me-it would not be possible to get it on by myself. I have to wear it for 3 months-it is gonna feel good to be free from it! No complaints here though! This is a answer to years of prayers! Remembering that is helping me get through this!
Yesterday, Karen came over and spent the day with me-I enjoyed getting to see her. Then, last night, some of my other "sisters" came over. Tanya, Nikki, and Amee came and brought over Starbucks coffee and Panera bread goodies (YUM!) It was nice to be able to sit and have coffee with them all! It is the next best thing to being able to actually leave this house. I was looking forward to seeing them all day.

Today has been a bit harder than yesterday :( . The pain has been worse for some reason. I did go for a walk around the block this morning-but now I just can not get comfortable. I know that I should expect that some days may not be as good as others but it is still frustrating to feel like I am taking steps backwards.
Christina, from my church, came by this afternoon and picked up all the kids and took them to her house to play and swim with her kids. She is going to take them to church tonight-she also brought by supper to give Brett and my Mom a break! :) . I am so grateful for all the help that I have been getting! I could not have come as far as I have without everyone pulling together to help!
God is still good-He is still faithful-He still provides!

I have done SO well today! I think that my biggest hurdle now will be to remember my limits even when I feel well. I am still dependent on the walker but I was able to walk around the block this evening! My blog is under construction right now-I think that the site may be having issues because it will not let me edit my colors/font.... . Anyhoo-I will have plenty of time to work on it!

Hurray! I got out of bed by myself 3 times this morning! I have an adjustable bed-so I raise the head of the bed and I am half way there! I have been thanking God all morning for His grace and mercy! I woke up early (6:15 am)-so I am a little tired but I am feeling so much better this morning! I have a little more feeling in my right foot and leg. The physical therapist told me yesterday that it may take around 100 days for nerves to regenerate and get back all the feeling. He also told me that I was not getting enough circulation to either of my feet or legs-they feel like ICE even if I am hot. He gave me some exercises to do and told me to keep socks on my feet. The occupational therapist is going to call today and set up a schedule for him to come out a few times a week too. I am doing anything and everything I can to speed my recovery up.
Noah's Grandma came by yesterday and took Spencer to the park and to McDonalds with Noah (thanks Karen)-it was good for him to get out of the house for a while. Melissa also came by yesterday and brought a TON of fruit for us (thanks girl!)-it did not take long for Maddie to find the apple slices! I enjoyed having her over and it gave Spencer a chance to play with TJ. Thanks again for all your prayers and support! Keep um comin'!! :)

Today

Today has been pretty much the same as yesterday :( . I did not sleep that well again last night. I think I am more emotional today because my lack of sleep. I feel the burdens of Brett, Mom and the kids-Brett looks so tired. I convinced him to let Mom sleep with me last night so she could help me in the middle of the night and he could get a full night of sleep. It must be so hard on him-to be concerned about our finances and all of the "stuff" (yard work,housework,laundry,cooking,dishes.......) and still work 2 jobs on top of dealing with me and my condition. Please pray for for him! God is faithful-my new "theme song" has been "Praise you in this storm" (casting crowns). Today-I broke down crying ( for the 1st time since my surgery)-I got my ipod out and played that song over and over..... . I refuse to "give up". God is still faithful-even though we are struggling now-He has a plan.

progress

I am feeling very frustrated today-I had a rough night last night. I kept waking up from a dead sleep with "stabbing" pains. I almost feel like I am taking steps backwards instead of moving forward. I am told that each day will be different and just because I can do something one day does not mean that I will be able to do it the next. The most frustrating thing about my recovery is not the pain but rather the limitations that I have. I can hear the phone ringing-I can SEE the phone about 3 feet away but I can not answer it unless it is in my chair with me. It takes me about 20 mins to get up and walk to the bathroom-that is with 3 people helping me! I have absolutely NO dignity left for sure! I know that it is going to get better and I just need some patients-but today, I am frustrated. I am just relying on God and counting my blessings with each (VERY slow) step-knowing I could be in a lot worse shape. My feet and my legs are still numb-can't wait until the feeling comes back! Thanks again for all the prayers, support and phone calls! I feel loved!

I am finally home!

Well......where to start? I finally made it home from the hospital last night-it feels sooooooooooo good to be home! The hospital and staff were amazing but there is just no place like home! My surgery went well-it took 9 hours (instead of 6-like they thought). I had a hard time coming out of the anaesthesia-that took me 2 hours after the surgery. I was so relieved to wake up with my eyesight!-they had warned me that blindness was a risk-but they also listed a ton of other risks as well. But just as the wheeled me into the OR-the doctor said " you do know that there is a chance that you will wake up blind-don't you?"-I answered "yes" and I asked him why-he said that since I would be laying flat on my stomach for so many hours all the blood rushes to behind the eyes causing a lot of pressure-anyhoo-the first thing they asked me when I woke up was "can you see?". I was so thankful for my sight! They did scratch my left eye somehow but they called in a eye doc and he took care of it. Then.....as I feared, I was sick throwing up for the first 2 days :( . Just as I planned, I refused all pain meds since I knew that I would just keep throwing up-instead I stuck to regular old Tylenol(some of the nurses thought I was insane for not taking meds-but the pain from throwing up was too much for me to handle). The pain was pretty intense the first few days-it felt like the worst "contraction" (as in labor!) EVER-but it just never let up! Now, while I am sitting in the recliner or adjustable bed, the pain is not so bad-not much worse that the pain I lived with before the surgery. Whenever I have to move the pain gets much worse. I am still not able to walk much-but I am able to walk a little farther each day. My feet and legs are completely numb and my legs have almost no strength-so it makes it very difficult to walk. I have a "walker" that I can not even stand up without-my roommate at the hospital was a crazy woman who was doped up on pain meds and she kept telling me that I took HER walker-I told my Mom that I never dreamed in a million years that I would be fighting with an old lady over a walker! It is funny to me-I kept showing her where her walker was but she insisted that it was not hers. Of course, she also kept asking the nurses where her "sparkle dress" that she ordered was at-and why it had not been delivered to her! She was a "hoot" for sure! So, now it is on to recovery-I have a physical therapist and a occupational therapist coming to our house 3 days a week for at least 2 months-they are supposed to work with me on regaining my strength. Within 10-14 days I will be getting the "staples" removed (all 40 of them!-I have a 9" incision-it sounds worse than it is though). I think once I regain feeling in my feet and legs-nothing will be able to stop me!! I am still feeling "drugged" for the anesthesia-I can even taste it still! I will keep updating my progress as much as possible. Thank you all for your prayers, phone calls, emails, flowers, gifts........!! I really do appreciate it! (I am tagging this one as "God's goodness" as well as "medical madness" since I know that without His grace,mercy and strength I could not have come through this)

Our day

Today I took the kids (and my little Noah) to a "back 2 school splash-bash" at a local church. We had so much fun together! Watching Noah' s smile down every slide was priceless! I think (hope)that they are all worn out now! We were there for about 2 and a half hours and they ran non-stop! I just wanted to share the pics!

I guess they DID get worn out!

Here are some pics of the girls' room and also some pics of Maddie's and Bubba's "concert". They made microphones out of tinker toys and put on a concert for us-I thought it was really cute! they even wrote their own music!

Date night and my sisters..

Brett is on his way home and we are headin' out for one last "date" before my surgery. We are going to dinner and to Starbucks-then we are going to rent a movie and snuggle up and watch it together. I am really looking forward to spending time with him-things have been so busy and I am ready to just relax and enjoy some time together.

I just got a call from one of my "sisters" (Tanya)-I am just amazed at how they have pulled together to prepare a schedule for helping me out after my surgery. They have thought of everything! My church is providing 2 weeks of meals after my mom leaves and my friends are picking up where they leave off. Tanya has even stepped up and offered to do my grocery shopping every week and Karen has jokingly offered to come shave my legs :) -I bought some "Nair" instead! I feel so blessed to have friends like them. I know they all have busy lives of their own-they are mothers, they work, run their own houses,................ and yet they have taken the time to consider me. They have "stepped outside themselves" and put themselves into my shoes and I feel like that is an amazing quality! Thank You-I love you all and you will never know how much your kindness means to me!! sniffle...sniffle

Pre-op appt.

As you all know, today was my pre-op appt. We were there the entire day-I was so glad that Karen went with me-we actually had FUN! We met some very interesting people-to say the least. The appt went ok-there were a couple of issues I had though. The first being that the info that I had conflicted somewhat with what the info the surgeon's office had. Yesterday I got the surgeon's notes (from my first appt) in the mail. In his notes he mentioned doing the TLIF (which I knew about)and also doing a "facet fusion". I did not know what a facet fusion was, so I asked the assistant today. He explained what it was but then he told me that I was not having that done (or at least he did not have the paperwork drawn up for me to sign consenting to that surgery as well). I showed him the letter I had gotten in the mail yesterday and he was perplexed-the surgeon is on vacation right now and he can not be reached,so they are going to ask him about it when he comes back and have the paperwork drawn up for me to sign the morning of my surgery. If he does (or doesn't) do it,I do not think it will make a difference as far as my recovery. It will just mean some more "screws" will be put into my spine-in a different part of the bone than just the TLIF would require. Anyhoo-I just got a little frustrated by that situation-I mean did the doc just "forget" that he was also doing the facet fusion (and therefore forget to put it in the paperwork) or did change his mind about adding that surgery since he mailed me the report? I am not sure I am happy with either answer. I am gonna have to be at the hospital at.....5:30 AM Tuesday(which means leaving at 4:30 am)! Bummer! Not so much for me-since I will get to "sleep"-but Brett and my Mom are gonna be exhausted! I also found out that I will be wearing a back brace for at least 3 months (24/7!). I was really hoping I would not have to wear one-some people I have talked to online had to wear one but others-didn't. I was hoping to be one of the "lucky" ones who would not have to wear one. Especially since being measured for the custom made brace..I am not sure I am going to be able to breathe! It is kinda weird how different surgeons require different things for the same surgery. Some surgeons require the patient use a "walker" (YES! The "old people" kind!) and others refuse to LET their patients use one! I also found out that I will be put in ICU for a day or so after the surgery-since I will be "under" for so long (they say it will take 6 hours-if all goes well). I am glad that they told me that upfront, so I could prepare my Mother-I knew she'd be worried if she did not know that it was planned that way. Hopefully I will be able to come home within 4 days-that is gonna be my goal! I am gonna do everything I am told to do-(YES! Karen! EVERYTHING!-even stick the "stuff" up my nose! :( ) Well, I am ready to kick back and relax for a while. I just wanted everyone to know that we made it home (miracle in itself! We did not know where we were going!). Please Keep praying for me! Thanks!

GNO

Last night was my last "Girls' night out" for a while :(. Although, I like the way Brett put it, in the note that he left out for me last night, (along with my pjs,water,my towel....I know that I am spoiled!) he said "don't look at it as your last night out with your friends for a long time but rather your last night out with them while you are in so much pain." I guess that is one way to look at it. We went to "The cheesecake factory" and then Karen and I went to see the musical "Mama Mia". We had a really great time with lots of really "rich" conversation at supper. I have said it 100 times...but I am so glad that God has given me my sisters! Karen is now on her way from Clearwater (where she lives) to New Port Richey (where I live) to go with me to my pre op appt, in Tampa,this morning (ON HER DAY OFF!)-even after we stayed out until 1:00 am last night. She is amazing-I feel kinda bad that she is going with me-I feel guilty:( , but I am really glad that she will be there for me! We will be there all day long because I have 2 appts back to back. I have been to so many docs appts by myself and I can never remember half of what they tell me and it is going to be really nice to have a friend there for me this time. Thank you Karen!! She has even made me up a "hospital survival kit" to take with me for my stay at TGH-I thought that it was really sweet-she even put a huge chocolate bar in it that has a "emergency chocolate" label on it. Anyhoo... I will let everyone know how everything goes today.

I just wanted to let everyone know that a couple from my church is giving me a recliner. I sent out an email to everyone, asking if anyone knew someone who had one that they wanted to get rid of, and this couple graciously agreed to give me a Broyhill recliner that they were unable to use. A few weeks ago, while taking pictures for the church directory, I did pics for this couple-the wife told me that her husband was in the care of "Hospice" and she wanted to get a copy of the picture that I took. I made them several copies-edited in various ways-and gave the pics to them. They were so grateful and said that it was "the best picture that they had ever had taken"! I was excited to be able to bless them in that way, and now, God is using them to be a blessing to me! Funny how that works-huh? Thanks for all of you who responded to my email!

Old picture

My mom sent me this old picture taken of her and my Dad many (many!) moons ago-I thought it was a very beautiful and artistic photo. Notice the camera in her hand............it is in my genes!
Today I got a lot done. I planted a flowering bush outside my living room picture window-while I was outside I cleaned the windows, which lead me to clean the inside windows, while cleaning the girls' room windows I noticed that their curtains needed washing, while taking the curtains down I noticed their mini blinds needed washing, after taking down the blinds and washing them-I put them back up. It was then that I decided that their room needed some additional paint colors now that they have new quilts (the ones my mom made). The room was painted to match their old comforters but the new quilts have the same colors and some additional ones too. So....I started painting orange hearts and pink polka dots on their walls. I am worn out! I still have some more painting to do, but I got most of it finished. My day reminds me of that classic book "If you give a pig a pancake" or "If you give a mouse a muffin". It has been a busy day but a productive one-it is now 11:17 pm and I just finished folding the last load of laundry! Brett is still out working-he had an airport run that will be coming in at 11:40-then he has to drive them back to Brookesville! He will not be home until 2:30 am-he looked so tired when he left-I feel so badly for him. I think that it wears on him more knowing that he is working 2 jobs(about 60+ hours a week) and it is STILL not enough! I just keep waiting for something to "give"-but it seems like every time it does something else comes up that sucks us dry! We have paid off over $15,000 in bills this year (mostly because of my SSD back pay check),...that is FIVE less payments that we have to make, but it has not effected us at ALL! I guess since everything else has gone up it is just costing more to live-anyhoo...this blog has turned into me rambling on. What is with me today!? Well-I am about ready to turn it for the night. I am gonna just keep trusting God-He must have a plan.

we're back

We got back last night-we had sooo much fun this trip! I think it was the most fun I have ever had at the springs! Yesterday we spent the entire day out there and for most of the day we had the whole spring to ourselves (me and Allie and the 9 kids!). We played a game that the kids made up earlier in the summer-this trip, I got in on it too! I was unbeatable! :) One match I even took on ALL the kids by myself and I still won! I am very competitive and at one point-I even tackled my own children! Brooke and Bubba tried to take away my team's "treasure" and I was not about to let that happen! We all survived. I did a lot of stuff that I know I shouldn't do...knowing that my surgery date is approaching has caused me to be a bit of a "daredevil". I guess since I know that I am getting the surgery-I know that I can't really do any more damage to my spine and knowing that I will not be able to do all that fun stuff for a loooong time-if ever- has made me want to do everything I can do now!