Thursday, August 6, 2009

3 days and counting!

Y'all....I can not EVEN begin to explain how excited I am about my upcoming surgeries!! I am SOOO ready to be through with them....and recovered! I feel like I am getting a "new lease" on life, like I finally get to be comfortable within my own skin! There are so many people who do not understand...or "approve" of my decision-but I have learned that I need to do what is best for ME, for a change! I am SO grateful to God for giving me peace concerning these surgeries and for the godly counsel He has placed in my life! At first I was tormented with guilt and worry....but God worked EVERY detail out in my favor!! He has provided a way for the surgery to be paid for, He provided insurance company approval, provided help for my kids (THANKS Lynn and Phil!), a way for Brett to take the week off to help me, .......every detail is in place.

A wise, godly woman told me, when I was struggling with my decision, that sometimes God leaves things up to US, they are not always black and white, He always CARES....but some things he chooses to leave in our hands. She told me that the money that I am INVESTING in myself was really trivial in the grand scheme of things....she reminded me how much people spend on boats, cars and vacations. I am so grateful that God placed her in my life...I am truly blessed! When I looked at the situation with that in mind, I was so relived and I felt peace about spending the money. Oddly enough...the people who disapprove of me spending the money actually waste a lot of money themselves! It is nothing for some people to drop a few hundred dollars on this or that....stuff that has no real PURPOSE....stuff that will not change ANYTHING! I am spending money on something that will change my LIFE! It will not be a memorable vacation that lasts 1 week, or a new car that will be old in a few years, it will not be new clothes that will not fit me in a month or that will be moved to the back of the closet when styles change, is a gift that I am giving myself for the rest of my life!! Now...if there EVER was a fail proof investment, I'd say that would be it! I have just decided that I REFUSE to feel guilty about it. I have worked SO hard to lose my weight....and keep it off. I gave myself that one thought THAT was vain or unnecessary....I just do not understand why this is any different.

One thing that I DO understand is me having this surgery may make some people uncomfortable because they are not happy with themselves. Listen.....I have been overweight.....OBESE even, and I know how badly it made me feel to hear some skinny "Barbie" talk about how she "needed" to lose 5 lbs...or whatever. I have NOT forgotten the feelings of shame that comes with being obese...BELIEVE me, I haven't! I can STILL feel the pain (11 years later!). However, I feel that someone judging me for being thin and still wanting to improve myself, is NO different than someone judging a person who is overweight. I do not judge people based on their weight, I do not look down on anyone because of their weight (there is NO way that I could, having overcome obesity myself!)..I am just asking for the same respect.

Ok...I really have NO idea how I even got off on all of that....I think it may that I am procrastinating on folding that load of laundry! :-) Anyhoo, I had decided that to avoid being judged I would just keep everything to myself.....but "word got out" it often does, so I am facing it head on. The way I look at it is if you can't accept my decision and just be HAPPY for me....then you probably aren't the kind of friend I want to have anyway. I am VERY grateful for my "Sistas"...who have stood behind me, encouraged me and who are "armed" with disposable foil tins...with supper for my family in them! THOSE are the people I want to share my life with.....they Know EVERY detail, and they are still willing to help me in any way that they can....setting aside their own "issues" with their bodies (and WHO doesn't have issues!) and are celebrating WITH me! WOW! It just doesn't get any better than that! And...when THEY are ready for their Tummy tucks (yes! I REALLY believe that one of my friends will be needing one one day soon! I have that much faith in her! She lost more than 4 lbs this week!) , facelifts (NO! I am NOT getting a facelift), breast lifts......or whatever...I will be there for them too!

So, even if you disagree with my choice, PLEASE pray that all will go well on Monday! I will be spending one night at the hospital. When I am home and feeling up to it I will update my blog.

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